So does Jana Malamud Smith characterize one of the more omnipresent fears of the artist; there is so much to say in the time that we have, that we fear not being able to get it out.
Maybe it's a mid-life crisis. I am 50. I have been a creatrix all my life, worked on an art education degree in college, honed my skills as a historical seamstress, stretched into fantasy costuming, developed theories on authenticity and creativity. But I've never really felt confident in calling myself an artist.
During my college years - first at a community college and then at the University of Kansas - I studied art, and art education. I studied how to teach. I worked on skills - painting, drawing, whitesmithing, fiber arts, photography and graphic design. From my first mentor, Shirley Swayne, I learned about color theory and Gestalt psychology and the real meaning of humanities and the interrelationships of damned near all disciplines. My second mentor, Bob Troxel, saw it in me and encouraged me. I thought that I was learning creativity. I maintained that I was.
I didn't really know what questions to ask. I know now how much I don't know.
And so I embark on this new path. More than honing skills (which is vital and the reason that I'm taking a class each semester), I'm studying about the process of creativity. Malamud Smith and Csikszentmihalyi are my teachers. Friends are my encouragement. Passion is my motivation. And time - time is the greatest challenge.
Time to study, to practice, to ruminate and draw conclusions, time to record ideas before they flee. Making time to spend with loved and beloved. Time to take up my materials and produce something. Time to learn new skills. And still time to make money and pay bills. And although I'm not seeing the end of my time, I am keenly aware of how much time has passed in forgetting my passion, being distracted by life, not learning, wishing, but not doing.
I didn't really know what questions to ask. I know now how much I don't know.
And so I embark on this new path. More than honing skills (which is vital and the reason that I'm taking a class each semester), I'm studying about the process of creativity. Malamud Smith and Csikszentmihalyi are my teachers. Friends are my encouragement. Passion is my motivation. And time - time is the greatest challenge.
Time to study, to practice, to ruminate and draw conclusions, time to record ideas before they flee. Making time to spend with loved and beloved. Time to take up my materials and produce something. Time to learn new skills. And still time to make money and pay bills. And although I'm not seeing the end of my time, I am keenly aware of how much time has passed in forgetting my passion, being distracted by life, not learning, wishing, but not doing.
I had a (student) PA ask me once, "why do you overload yourself like this?"
Because it makes me feel alive.
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